I wish I could say I had a Merry Christmas this year. I didn't. It was probably the worst Christmas I've ever had. Besides being sick pretty much the entire time, I had a horrible fight with my wife. I love my wife. I really do. I just wish she could come to terms with the understanding that our lives really are intertwined. How she feels about herself, and how she acts on those emotions has a direct impact on the well being and happiness of the rest of our family. There's a lot of truth to the old saying, "If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."
So that is probably the biggest reason that I had a bad Christmas. Other than that, I am really feeling down about life in general. I feel like a failure of a parent, every time I see my kids failures. I know I shouldn't have that attitude, but it really wears me down. It doesn't help that our world seems to be collapsing around us, morally, economically, socially. I am terrified for the future of my children. I'm afraid that my parenting will not be enough to lead them to the spiritual faith they will need to weather the storms on the horizon. I feel like giving up. Sometimes I seriously consider ending it. They are the reason I don't, and yet it bothers me that I feel this way. I don't know what I should do, or who I can turn to. The only thing I can do is turn to God and hope and pray he will carry me through these storms.
I just got back from a business trip to Chattanooga. I wish I could tell you that it was filled with adventures and riches beyond imagination, but this is Tennessee we're talking about. The closest I got to adventure was at least temporarily contemplating an attempt to score some moonshine. That being said, I did pass a milestone on the way back to Dallas. That moment in time passed and will never be duplicated. That moment was 12:12 12/12/12 as I have titled this post. In this day and age, there is much speculation about the end of the world and people are constantly jabbering about the Mayan calendar. It's all a bunch of hogwash and hooey, if you ask me. However, I will say that I think we are nearing the "Last Days" as mentioned in the Bible. I just don't think it will have anything to do with Mayans or any special days of men. God's on his clock, not ours. Any way you slice it, these are some interesting times to be alive.
Do you ever have one of those days where you just really wonder what are you doing? I mean, why? What purpose do you serve in the grand scheme of things? I've had one of those weeks. I believe it may be attributed to the beating that has been my job for the last 10 years, and that I feel very much that I am trapped. There seems to be no end in sight and people from all directions depend on me to carry the load. The sad part is when the people I depend on for a little relief let me down. I have carried the torch long enough that I am ready to pass it on to someone younger and more able than me. I cannot seem to find such a person. Every time I get a little spark of inspiration it is extinguished by the reality of the inconsistencies of human nature. If I can ever find a reliable person that will be here and be as dedicated as I have been, I will know it is finally time to move on. Hopefully when that day comes there will still be enough life left in me to do something meaningful.
Thanksgiving has came and went. Today I'm settling back into my routine at work, dealing with phone calls, stupid questions, and ignorant customers. It's another day in the life of the transportation industry. I am missing my home terribly, and wishing I could have stayed a few more days. Make that weeks. Months. Scratch that. I want to move back. Life is so different there, as opposed to the stress and hustle of life here in Dallas. It peaceful there, mentally and spiritually. My kids even behave better. I think it has something to do with being able to run around outside and burn off that excess energy kids have. All in all, life is better there. Now if only I could find a creative way of making income there, and I'd be back in a second. It's the j-o-b that keeps me stuck here. I hate that I can't find a better way to make my living than this, but it does pay the bills. I also have a good employer, which is much more than can be said for a lot of people. I do count my blessings, and I am thankful. Human nature being what it is, I can't help but wish for something better.
A lot of discussion has gone on lately about the recent presidential election and how the decision of the American people to reelect Obama was impacted by the media. I found this old interview with Paul McCartney and thought it to be extremely relevant. Sir Paul does a very good job of pointing out who is responsible for what is reported. Listen to the interview.
We need to hold our media accountable for what they report, and how it is reported.
Barack Obama has been reelected as the president of the United States of America. This entire election cycle has been extremely nasty and divisive. I truly hope Americans will pull together and that our country will turn course and become the beacon to the world that it once was. I am not overly optimistic about it.
Today is election day in what is quite probably one of the most important elections in our nation's history. If that is an exaggeration, at the very least one must concede that it is pivotal. This election will be a course changer. It is the equivalent of a wind change to the ancient sea faring captain of old. Even if one does not like the direction the wind is blowing, it is an immutable force that must now be adapted to and is inevitably going to require work to steer the ship differently. Such is the scenario of this election. To put it mildly, it is important to the American people, red and blue alike.
In light of the weight of this election, there is a phenomenon that happened in 2008 and is trying it's best to spill over into this year's cycle as well. That thing is the input and fanfare of Hollywood. Never have we seen such a tremendous outpouring of support for a single candidate from the entertainment industry as we did for Barack Obama in the last election. Every effort has been made to recreate the same level of enthusiasm this year. Seemingly it has not been so profound. You may even say it has sputtered out. Yes, the same crowd of entertainers has gathered this year, albeit to a much diminished audience.
I would like to send a message to Hollywood that may explain why this has dwindled this year. We don't care what you think. You are ENTERTAINERS. You amuse us. We don't give 2 red cents what you think politically. I don't care if you love Obama or Romney. You get your vote and I get mine. You may bathe in champagne and money, but guess what? In that voting booth, your opinion is no better than mine. We're all Americans. We all get to vote. Rich, poor, black, white, whatever. It's our right. You can't change that.
In 2008, people rallied around Obama, not Hollywood. Get over yourselves. It remains to be seen if we will send Barack back to the white house, or if we'll elect a new president. Regardless, we didn't vote because of you. Now go back to making some decent movies, and releasing some good music for us to listen to. Stick to the script, and shut up. Politics are for politicians, silly rabbit.
Anyone that knows me is well aware of the gaggle of kids we have. My oldest, who just turned 18 last September. My stepdaughter, who will be 17 next month. Then the two little ones, 8 and 7. I don't need any more kids. I don't want any more kids. My wife is pregnant. I'd love my child, if all goes well and we have another. I love all my kids now. I never wanted any kids. I guess you could say that sounds horrible, but it is just the truth of what was. I was selfish and self-absorbed and I never wanted to have to give up my life to raise a family. Yet here I am. Doing the best I can. It's hard sometimes. Actually it's hard all the time. Our economy sucks right now. Making money in America isn't as easy as it used to be. It's not the best environment to have a baby. I'm also concerned for my wife. The last two pregnancies turned out to be miscarriages. After delivering three healthy and big babies, she had two back to back miscarriages. I feel something has to be wrong to cause that. I don't think it was pure coincidence. Now we're facing a third and I have no way to know if we aren't looking at going through the same thing. I feel horrible that I know deep in my heart that I don't really want another child. I know that logically, the two are not connected. I can't will away a child. Yet, I still feel like it is somehow my fault if something goes wrong. I don't know how this is going to end up, but I'm sure I'll be blogging about it here. To be continued...
My wife showed me this video this weekend. It seemed perfectly appropriate.
I'm at work today watching the news about Hurricane Sandy, which has been dubbed "Frankenstorm" due to the freakish nature of the storm itself and the timing of it hitting land on 10/30, just prior to Halloween. There's a lot to take in here. It is a freak storm. Basically a hurricane is colliding with some huge winter storm and is going to create a monster. It has the entire nation paying attention and the news is awash with reports and predictions. It's been a long time since anything like this hit the east coast. Maybe it's a first. I think this thing is somewhat prophetic. Some will say I'm crazy. I'm okay with that. All that I know is that we, as a nation, have fallen very far away from the Christian principles it was founded on. I think God is trying to wake us up. Call it what you will, but it's significant to me that it is hitting land before the biggest election we have had in our nation, probably since the days of the Civil War, AND it is right before the largest pagan holiday we celebrate here. I think a message is being sent. Time to wake up America, before it's too late.
9 years ago on this day, I married the love of my life. You might call her my soul mate, if you believe in such fairy tale concepts as true love. After all these years, I have learned that there is no possible way I could have ever picked someone more perfect for me. Sure, we have had our arguments, the same as any two human beings will if they spend enough time together. However, there is something beneath the surface of any argument that goes to the root of our relationship. Love, faith, whatever you want to call it, it permeates everything about "us" as a couple and there is an unbreakable bond between us. No, she is not perfect, and neither am I. WE are perfect for each other. In the end, that is all that matters. I thank God for her. She is better than I deserved, and although I don't tell her enough, I love her with all my heart as much as I could ever love anyone.
Well after several years of working on it, I have finally decided to kill my website. In 41 days rebeldragon.com will be no more. I will keep the domain and may someday rebuild it, but for now I have lost interest in it. Work, life, kids, among other interests have provided little time for me to work on it and quite frankly I just don't have the money to keep it alive. I had hoped to generate some revenue with it, but due to lack of support from friends and family it is no longer feasible. My intention is not to post a long "woe is me" article, but I thought it to be an appropriate explanation as to the beginning of this new blog. Actually this is more of a revitalization of an old blog that was my main outlet prior to deciding to jump off into running my own website. So that being said, you can expect more of what was on my website to be recycled here for your amusement or mine, whichever applies.
Those of you that know me well, know how much I love music. I'll be posting a lot of videos of bands and music that I enjoy. No matter if you agree or disagree with my tastes, I'd love to hear from you.
So to begin our little trip, here's a video from Foxy Shazam.
