Phonyvirus 2020

So yeah. It's been awhile. As I type this, we're still in the middle of the "great plague" of 2020. Coronavirus aka COVID-19 has everything shutdown. Our economy is collapsing. A lot of people have died, about 122K worldwide as of today's official count. That number was supposed to be a lot higher but for reasons one or the other, it's a lot less. I won't go into the minutia of why or what I speculate, but let's just say it hasn't brought us together as a society any more than before. We're as divided as ever. It seems like if you have anything positive to say about Trump or anything he's done, suddenly you're lumped in with the Trump cult crowd, or if you have anything negative to say you're a hater. It's like people have completely forgotten there's a middle ground and both things can be true. I like some of what he's done, and hate other things about what he says and does. It's not all black and white, but that's just how I see it. I have a duplicity in my nature.

In that vein, I'll move on to the bulk of my post. I'm done with pretending to be something or someone I'm not. The last few years have given me a lot of clarity on things that I didn't see before. The last year in particular. People I once thought were friends have drifted away or outright stopped talking to me because I don't agree with them on every political point. I had to get off Facebook. Every day I found myself getting pissed off at someone or something and I just don't need that in my life. I have enough stress and things to worry about. I'm tired of trying to keep people happy or be some image of something that I'm not to please those who at the end of the day, don't really give a shit anyway. I'm tired of trying to please people who can't be pleased. Be bitter, I refuse.

That's why I had walked away from this blog. There was a time when I thought maybe I wanted to find ways to monetize or at least raise my profile in social media. I've been toying with finishing a book and getting it published, so hey, why not right? A good social media presence would be a good thing, right? That may be true, but I've reached a point where I don't care what anyone else thinks about me. Love me or leave me. I've been hiding too much and painting pictures that are more surrealism than realistic. I'm done with that. My last post about our camping trip? It was bullshit. I mean, yeah, those events happened. And I truly do hope my kids will have good memories about it. But for me, it was a disaster. I feel like I threw away a lot of money on a trip that nobody appreciated. Maybe the kids will someday, but outside of the little one, it sure didn't seem like it at the time. There was a lot of bitching, fighting, complaining, and all around bad attitudes. And the pic of the Lincoln Memorial? You know what I remember about it? I remember trying to get a picture with my loving wife in front of the reflecting pool along with all the other loving couples and basically getting into a fight about it instead. The one lasting memory I have is a fight with the person who is supposed to be my ride or die. I know I'll never be back there again. I'll never have another opportunity to take that pic, and she burned it to the ground. That's my memory. I remember going home still bitter and angry. I should have posted honestly about it, but I didn't want to create a negative image. I don't care anymore. I'm calling it like I see it. I appreciate someone pointing this out to me and giving me motivation to rectify myself. I like blogging. I just don't like being a phony.

Tell me all your sweet, sweet little lies

All about the dark places you hide

Tell me all your problems, make them mine

Tell me all your sweet, sweet little lies

I live a picture in my head

Colours soaring as I float up with my body in my bed, yeah

And I wonder if I'm dead

Saw the white light flicker so I wake up in a sweat; code red

Sirens going off, probably something that I dreamt

Thinking 'bout the shit I never told you that I meant

I can't shake it off, chloroform, peace and rest

But you know all I ever really wanted was a friend

Tell me all your sweet, sweet little lies

All about the dark places you hide

Tell me all your problems, make them mine

Tell me all your sweet, sweet little lies

I wonder if the sun will shine again

If I'll ever see your face again

You know I'd rather die than say goodbye

So tell me all your sweet, sweet little lies

Late night fantasy, it's when I teleport again

I got a spare key, we can and go and play pretend

(We can go and play pretend, yeah)

We can really transcend, no (We can really transcend, yeah)

You and me in an empty room

They can't get in, only room for two

If you play your part and I play mine, too

I'll never take my eyes off you

Tell me all your sweet, sweet little lies

All about the dark places you hide

Tell me all your problems, make them mine

Tell me all your sweet, sweet little lies

I wonder if the sun will shine again

If I'll ever see your face again

You know I'd rather die than say goodbye

So tell me all your sweet, sweet little lies

(Sweet, sweet, tell me all your sweet, sweet little lies)

Tell me all your sweet, sweet, oh no

(Sweet, sweet, tell me all your sweet, sweet little lies)

I love the picture in my head

But I know that it's not real

I live a picture in my head

'Cause I like how it makes me feel

Tell me all your sweet, sweet little lies

All about the dark places you hide

Tell me all your problems, make them mine

Tell me all your sweet, sweet little lies

I wonder if the sun will shine again

If I'll ever see your face again

You know I'd rather die than say goodbye

So tell me all your sweet, sweet little lies

(Sweet, sweet, tell me all your sweet, sweet little lies)

Tell me all your sweet, sweet, oh no

(Sweet, sweet, tell me all your sweet, sweet little lies)

Zombies, Veterans, James Dean, Stan Lee and 2017

So much to my embarrassment while I was updating this blog, I realized that I never actually did any blogging in 2017. I also noticed that I only made a couple entries during 2015 and 2016. Gee, it's like I was busy or something. Starting my own business took more of a toll on me than I had realized. Looking at this blog really drove it home. I love writing. I love putting my thoughts down on paper. It's something I've always been fairly good at. I'm not claiming to be producing some masterpiece by any stretch, but I simply enjoy the outlet. And for the most part, I'm coherent, right? Right?

I promise to do better during 2019 and the rest of this lovely 2018.

If you've traveled over from Facebook, stay tuned for more shenanigans.

On to other things...

The other day I watched the movie Cargo on Netflix. The whole time I was watching it, I kept thinking I'd seen it before. Then it got to the scene after the car wreck (I won't spoil anything.) and I knew for certain it had ripped off this short film I had seen before. After doing a little digging, I was able to find the original version I had seen. Eureka! It was definitely the same scene, though it had been altered a little. I'm too lazy to dig up all the details but it looks pretty obvious at first glance that it was enough of a hit as a short film that Netflix got a hand on it to make the full feature. If you're into zombie flicks (Shout out to Dave!) then it's a pretty good ride. I give it a 5/7. (Imgurians get it.)

This rambling train of thought derailed me into thoughts of James Dean. I remembered a really great quote from him:

I couldn't help pondering to myself, "How close am I?" Do you ever think about this? As someone who dreams of making it as an entrepreneur, it crosses my mind often. There's only so many ways left for us to do this in this modern age. There are no more great pyramids being built. Today we look to our actors, sports figures, rock stars, rappers, internet broadcasters, radio celebrities, YouTube stars, and otherwise financially successful persons of interest found on our flashing screens of light and sound. Digital immortals. Or at least so long as the information superhighway is still traversed by the minds of mortals. This is what we have become. Our lives are compressed into little 5 inch LCD screens and there our memories will live or die. This both saddens me and brings me joy. On the one hand, I know that what I leave behind will be less tangible unless my business is indeed successful and I build a trucking empire. (I can dream, can't I?) On the other hand, I have joy knowing that something like this stupid blog will linger out there for who knows how long to come after I'm dead and gone. (I suppose Blogger could go belly up, but I don't really foresee it happening any day soon, do you?) And I think it's kinda neat. It's much easier for us to pour more of ourselves out into the world than what was possible in those ancient times. We can see the footprints of the ancients, but we have nary a glimpse into what they actually thought, let alone what their day to day lives were about or what the picture of their morning breakfast looked like on Instagram. We can distribute the mundane details of our lives with unbelievable ease. A hundred years from now, could you imagine the unbelievable chronology of life that researchers will be able to dig up? It'll make you think twice about sending those nudes, won't it? (Just because you have the freedom do to it, doesn't make it a good idea.)

On this topic, I'd be remiss not to mention that yesterday was Veterans Day. I have nothing but respect for those that have served in our military and armed forces. I especially honor those that gave their lives in sacrifice for a country they loved. May they never be forgotten, and may they be remembered in greater esteem than the famous people I mentioned earlier. Vets and fallen heroes deserve better than we give them. They always have. That's what makes them heroic. They give everything, and ask for nothing in return. We take them for granted too often, and that's a travesty. 

Lastly, I have to mention that Stan Lee passed away today. I would talk about how sad that is, but seriously, he was 95. The man lived a very long and very successful life. If you don't know who he is, you would have had to have been living under a rock, or be over the age of 80. (My mom's 80 and she knows who he is.) May he rest in peace. I think Mr. Dean would say he pulled it off. I won't get into spiritual pondering on the topic, but just celebrate the success he had in this life. In the world of celebrities and comic book heroes, Mr. Lee was indeed a great man. Excelsior!

Carry on my wayward son

For there'll be peace when you are done

Lay your weary head to rest

Don't you cry no more

Once I rose above the noise and confusion

Just to get a glimpse beyond the illusion

I was soaring ever higher, but I flew too high

Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man

Though my mind could think I still was a mad man

I hear the voices when I'm dreamin', I can hear them say

Carry on my wayward son

For there'll be peace when you are done

Lay your weary head to rest

Don't you cry no more

Masquerading as a man with a reason

My charade is the event of the season

And if I claim to be a wise man, it surely means that I don't know

On a stormy sea of moving emotion

Tossed about I'm like a ship on the ocean

I set a course for winds of fortune, but I hear the voices say

Carry on my wayward son

For there'll be peace when you are done

Lay your weary head to rest

Don't you cry no more

Carry on, you will always remember

Carry on, nothing equals the splendor

Now your life's no longer empty

Surely heaven waits for you

Carry on my wayward son

For there'll be peace when you are done

Lay your weary head to rest

Don't you cry no more

Ring Around the Rosie

*breath in*

It's good to pause sometimes. How often do we lose ourselves in the daily routine? I know I've lost at least 15 years to it. Time. It's all we have. Evaluate every second. What you DO is what matters. Not what you HAVE. It's taken me a while to learn that. It's terribly true though. As for all rest of the chaos in the world? Yes, we have race issues again. Yes we have religious wars. Yes we have genocides. Yes we have economic problems. Yes we have every despicable moral issue under the sun.

Does this change anything? Do what YOU can do. Forget the rest of the world. It's out of your control; beyond your scope of influence. That pretty much sums up the political scene these days.

As for the personal world:

1) Trying and succeeding in starting my own business.
2) Becoming a better version of me.
3) Remain humble. I almost lost someone very dear to me. I'd rather it have been me.

Life is precious.

Those are my goals/current life statements.

<3 you all.

Thoughts in Space.

Thoughts. That's the golden nugget. You know? The thing that's like "My Precious." That thing you hold on to. I mean, people can dig into every part of your life nowadays. The internet means no more privacy. Just accept it. You will stand before God... but I digress. The point is, that thoughts cannot be contained. You can't stop Human Thought. That's the one thing. They can definitely silence you. That's a given. Yet they can never really get inside your head. That's what makes true friendship something special. It's when you know someone is in your head with you, in that space. You're not alone. That's the revolution. That's the "anonymous" spirit that's out there. You can argue it's means and methods, but you have to understand it's goal and ambitions. Same can be true for every sect or belief system. You'll know if it's good or bad by it's fruit. They say not to choose sides in this world today, but really there's only one or the other. I choose life. Freedom. Even if by death. Why was Robin Williams death so significant? Was it because we couldn't believe he was dead at such a young age? Uh. No. Hell no. Robin Williams was a Hollywood wackadoo party guy. He was hilarious. He made jokes that hit at the heart of every aspect of that era's pop culture. He was a comic genius. He also partied a lot. He did a lot of drugs. We always kind of were surprised to see he was doing so well in spite of it all. He was famous.It was the fact that he took his own life. Joan Rivers just died. I am hardly as struck. It's that Robin Williams was supposed to be one of the people that had it all together, but he didn't He fell apart in the golden years, when it should have been about legacy. Same can be said for a lot of the Hollywood crowd. So all that fame? What's it worth? Absolutely nothing besides what the crowd remembers of it. Whitney Houston? Crack whore. Do they remember her music? Some do. Will "THEY" remember it forever? Nope. It'll be forgotten completely. They'll just remember she died as a druggie. Eventually even Kurt will suffer the same. It doesn't matter, what matters to me is the "time" of my life that it was. The friends I made. The lives I touched.

I love you all.

Devon, happy birthday Son. I love you. I miss you.

Jim, bro. So glad we ran into each other again. Much love, may this banter never end.