Family. I know some people have really messed up families. A lot of people do. They never get to know what it is to have a strong family. For those people, my heart aches. That is a great sadness, and a reflection of how broken our world really is. For others, it is better. I don't want to paint a picture that there's some sort of utopian ideal family image that we should all strive for. No. Far from it. Even the best and strongest of us have to struggle and fight for every breath. Life is hard. It's just that when families work like they are supposed to, even if for a brief minute, they are beautiful. For that, I am grateful for my family working like it should, in the moments I need it most. I just experienced one of those moments. On the surface it seemed like I was the one doing the counselling. To an extent, I suppose I was. Really though, upon reflection, I think I just did myself a lot of good. I had a family member that was struggling with some real issues about what it is to be married. A father. A husband. Sometimes, it's not so easy. There are times you say things you don't mean. Sometimes you say things that are really hard to take back. But the truth is, you can. Apologize. Love the other person. Move on. Remember why you got together in the first place. Will it matter in 20 years? No? Then it doesn't matter now. Will it matter in 20 years? Yes? Then find a way to work through it. If YOU are the one saying "no" then ask yourself why. Is "no" the safe answer? The wise answer? If not, then get out of the way. Are you saying "yes" and your spouse saying "no" to whatever the issue is? Apply the same rule. Is your answer the safe answer? The wise answer? Does it serve you both or just your selfish wants or ambitions? These are hard questions. I'm grateful that I have a family & friends to help me work through things when I need help. I'm glad to be there when I can help someone else. So the point of this all? I realized that being married is a lot of work. It is a commitment. Being a father is also hard. It means giving up a lot of things. I poured gasoline on my dreams and threw a match on them long ago. Sometimes in the valleys of life, when things are hard to deal with, I think I made the wrong decision. I wonder what it would have been like to have chased my dreams and left my (now) wife behind. Then I realize that even if I had all of the wealth and the toys that I could ever want, it would be completely pointless and unsatisfying. I'm so much more happy having a wife that loves me and is there to weather the real storms with me. Sure, we fight. Everyone does. The thing is that at the end of the day, those fights make us better as a couple. Never are either of us 100% right or wrong. It's always a gray area, and working through those gray areas is what makes us grow. It makes us better as individuals. In the end, it makes us a stronger couple. It's just not always easy. I don't think it was supposed to be. Nothing worth fighting for ever is.
That's why it's called a fight...
