Zombies, Veterans, James Dean, Stan Lee and 2017

So much to my embarrassment while I was updating this blog, I realized that I never actually did any blogging in 2017. I also noticed that I only made a couple entries during 2015 and 2016. Gee, it's like I was busy or something. Starting my own business took more of a toll on me than I had realized. Looking at this blog really drove it home. I love writing. I love putting my thoughts down on paper. It's something I've always been fairly good at. I'm not claiming to be producing some masterpiece by any stretch, but I simply enjoy the outlet. And for the most part, I'm coherent, right? Right?

I promise to do better during 2019 and the rest of this lovely 2018.

If you've traveled over from Facebook, stay tuned for more shenanigans.

On to other things...

The other day I watched the movie Cargo on Netflix. The whole time I was watching it, I kept thinking I'd seen it before. Then it got to the scene after the car wreck (I won't spoil anything.) and I knew for certain it had ripped off this short film I had seen before. After doing a little digging, I was able to find the original version I had seen. Eureka! It was definitely the same scene, though it had been altered a little. I'm too lazy to dig up all the details but it looks pretty obvious at first glance that it was enough of a hit as a short film that Netflix got a hand on it to make the full feature. If you're into zombie flicks (Shout out to Dave!) then it's a pretty good ride. I give it a 5/7. (Imgurians get it.)

This rambling train of thought derailed me into thoughts of James Dean. I remembered a really great quote from him:

I couldn't help pondering to myself, "How close am I?" Do you ever think about this? As someone who dreams of making it as an entrepreneur, it crosses my mind often. There's only so many ways left for us to do this in this modern age. There are no more great pyramids being built. Today we look to our actors, sports figures, rock stars, rappers, internet broadcasters, radio celebrities, YouTube stars, and otherwise financially successful persons of interest found on our flashing screens of light and sound. Digital immortals. Or at least so long as the information superhighway is still traversed by the minds of mortals. This is what we have become. Our lives are compressed into little 5 inch LCD screens and there our memories will live or die. This both saddens me and brings me joy. On the one hand, I know that what I leave behind will be less tangible unless my business is indeed successful and I build a trucking empire. (I can dream, can't I?) On the other hand, I have joy knowing that something like this stupid blog will linger out there for who knows how long to come after I'm dead and gone. (I suppose Blogger could go belly up, but I don't really foresee it happening any day soon, do you?) And I think it's kinda neat. It's much easier for us to pour more of ourselves out into the world than what was possible in those ancient times. We can see the footprints of the ancients, but we have nary a glimpse into what they actually thought, let alone what their day to day lives were about or what the picture of their morning breakfast looked like on Instagram. We can distribute the mundane details of our lives with unbelievable ease. A hundred years from now, could you imagine the unbelievable chronology of life that researchers will be able to dig up? It'll make you think twice about sending those nudes, won't it? (Just because you have the freedom do to it, doesn't make it a good idea.)

On this topic, I'd be remiss not to mention that yesterday was Veterans Day. I have nothing but respect for those that have served in our military and armed forces. I especially honor those that gave their lives in sacrifice for a country they loved. May they never be forgotten, and may they be remembered in greater esteem than the famous people I mentioned earlier. Vets and fallen heroes deserve better than we give them. They always have. That's what makes them heroic. They give everything, and ask for nothing in return. We take them for granted too often, and that's a travesty. 

Lastly, I have to mention that Stan Lee passed away today. I would talk about how sad that is, but seriously, he was 95. The man lived a very long and very successful life. If you don't know who he is, you would have had to have been living under a rock, or be over the age of 80. (My mom's 80 and she knows who he is.) May he rest in peace. I think Mr. Dean would say he pulled it off. I won't get into spiritual pondering on the topic, but just celebrate the success he had in this life. In the world of celebrities and comic book heroes, Mr. Lee was indeed a great man. Excelsior!

Carry on my wayward son

For there'll be peace when you are done

Lay your weary head to rest

Don't you cry no more

Once I rose above the noise and confusion

Just to get a glimpse beyond the illusion

I was soaring ever higher, but I flew too high

Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man

Though my mind could think I still was a mad man

I hear the voices when I'm dreamin', I can hear them say

Carry on my wayward son

For there'll be peace when you are done

Lay your weary head to rest

Don't you cry no more

Masquerading as a man with a reason

My charade is the event of the season

And if I claim to be a wise man, it surely means that I don't know

On a stormy sea of moving emotion

Tossed about I'm like a ship on the ocean

I set a course for winds of fortune, but I hear the voices say

Carry on my wayward son

For there'll be peace when you are done

Lay your weary head to rest

Don't you cry no more

Carry on, you will always remember

Carry on, nothing equals the splendor

Now your life's no longer empty

Surely heaven waits for you

Carry on my wayward son

For there'll be peace when you are done

Lay your weary head to rest

Don't you cry no more

Sante Fe School Shooting

It's been awhile. No, not awhile since we had a school shooting. I wish that were true, but sadly it's not. What I mean is it's been awhile since I blogged anything. Partly because I've just been very busy running my company, but mostly because I needed a break from social media. There's been so much hate and vitriol being spilled in every corner of the internet, it was just too much. I didn't want to lose myself in all the negative energy.

In the wake of another school shooting, all the usual arguments are at play. On one side are the people screaming for gun control, and on the other side you have people screaming for more guns.

Personally, I find myself in the middle of the debate. In the interest of full disclosure, I'll tell you that I own guns. I live in Texas. I am not a member of the NRA, nor do I own an assault rifle. I wouldn't mind having one, but I just haven't needed one or wanted to spend the money on one. I'll probably buy one at some point, just for the collector aspect.  Bottom line, I support gun rights and the 2nd Ammendment. That being said, if you're still reading, here's where I break away from the typical gun rights crowd...Where were the parents?

This wasn't an assault weapon. This was a kid who took his dad's shotgun and revolver. An assault ban wouldn't have stopped him. A background check wouldn't have atopped him. You know what would have? Attentive parents who knew they had a mentally unwell child, and a responsible gun owner who had his weapons secured and accounted for. The kid definitely needs to be held to account, but so does the father. He allowed his weapons to get into the hands of his child. I don't want to dismiss the fact that I know he probably feels horrible, but his regret doesn't make it right and it won't ease the pain of the parents who lost their children. He was criminally negligent. Some states have laws about this, some don't, and they are all over the place. I'm sure this wouldn't stop these types of shootings 100%, but it would be a step in the right direction. And who else would be most likely to spot a troubled child if not the parents? They are the first line of defense, and the first who should be accountable. Evil never sleeps.

Pain of Mortality

Last week I read this article. Now today I saw this follow up. As a parent, I find this to be deeply heartbreaking. To bury a child would be the worst thing I can imagine ever having to do. To see it coming, and to know that you are helpless to stop it. I can't fathom the pain. I never want to know what that feels like. How these people are able to hold it together, I can only guess. I am aware of my own weakness, and I doubt my own ability to remain rational if this happened to our family. As a Christian, I can understand how things like this will cause people to question the existence of God. My point is not to delve into that debate, as I am fairly certain that unless you have a relationship with God, you cannot understand what it is to have HIS peace, which surpasses all human understanding, to carry you through times such as these. I only know that without that sort of strength to sustain me in times of trouble, there is no way for me to survive mentally or otherwise if such a fate were to befall my family. I am not sure if Logan's parents were Christian or not, all I know is that I will keep them in my prayers.

Christmas 2012

I wish I could say I had a Merry Christmas this year. I didn't. It was probably the worst Christmas I've ever had. Besides being sick pretty much the entire time, I had a horrible fight with my wife. I love my wife. I really do. I just wish she could come to terms with the understanding that our lives really are intertwined. How she feels about herself, and how she acts on those emotions has a direct impact on the well being and happiness of the rest of our family. There's a lot of truth to the old saying, "If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."

So that is probably the biggest reason that I had a bad Christmas. Other than that, I am really feeling down about life in general. I feel like a failure of a parent, every time I see my kids failures. I know I shouldn't have that attitude, but it really wears me down. It doesn't help that our world seems to be collapsing around us, morally, economically, socially. I am terrified for the future of my children. I'm afraid that my parenting will not be enough to lead them to the spiritual faith they will need to weather the storms on the horizon. I feel like giving up. Sometimes I seriously consider ending it. They are the reason I don't, and yet it bothers me that I feel this way. I don't know what I should do, or who I can turn to. The only thing I can do is turn to God and hope and pray he will carry me through these storms.

I wait for the end to come...

Family Man

Anyone that knows me is well aware of the gaggle of kids we have. My oldest, who just turned 18 last September. My stepdaughter, who will be 17 next month. Then the two little ones, 8 and 7. I don't need any more kids. I don't want any more kids. My wife is pregnant. I'd love my child, if all goes well and we have another. I love all my kids now. I never wanted any kids. I guess you could say that sounds horrible, but it is just the truth of what was. I was selfish and self-absorbed and I never wanted to have to give up my life to raise a family. Yet here I am. Doing the best I can. It's hard sometimes. Actually it's hard all the time. Our economy sucks right now. Making money in America isn't as easy as it used to be. It's not the best environment to have a baby. I'm also concerned for my wife. The last two pregnancies turned out to be miscarriages. After delivering three healthy and big babies, she had two back to back miscarriages. I feel something has to be wrong to cause that. I don't think it was pure coincidence. Now we're facing a third and I have no way to know if we aren't looking at going through the same thing. I feel horrible that I know deep in my heart that I don't really want another child. I know that logically, the two are not connected. I can't will away a child. Yet, I still feel like it is somehow my fault if something goes wrong. I don't know how this is going to end up, but I'm sure I'll be blogging about it here. To be continued...

My wife showed me this video this weekend. It seemed perfectly appropriate.