This was my time.

Good times.

Nectar of God

Stone Brewery is my favorite microbrewery. Ever.

Oh yeah.

I turned 37. June 17th. Today the Pixies gave me this. 14 days late, but I'll take it.

Parenting 101 Whatever

Kids are gonna be kids. They will break your things. They will trash things you wanted to mean something to them. They will break your heart. However, you love them deeply. And you miss them when they are gone.

<3 you guys.

Things of Great Importance

Psalm 38

The world is in chaos. If you cannot see it, you are oblivious. The weather, politics, etc.

Wrath is coming. 

Psalm 136 

There's a solution. 

Islam will not stop marching. The New World Order has arrived. 

Melancholy

1. mel·an·chol·y  

   /ˈmelənˌkälē/
   

   Noun A deep, pensive, and long-lasting sadness.

   Adjective Sad, gloomy, or depressed.

   Synonyms noun.   sadness - melancholia - gloom - sorrow - dejection adjective.   sad - gloomy - melancholic - mournful - dismal - blue

I've always liked that word. I find that I use it a lot when I write. WHEN I write. Which is where I'm heading with this. I think I subconsciously have been using that word because it is something I have felt for some time. How long exactly, I'm not sure. Yet I can no longer overlook that little nagging feeling that something is missing. It's the little subtle hints that have been a constant barrage almost daily. Fortunately, I'm becoming aware of this. Sometimes a song sets it off. Maybe it's an image. Whatever it is that causes my senses to awaken, I am realizing that I must continue to create. It doesn't matter if it's writing or music, my mind must have an outlet. I cannot continue to shut off the flow of ideas or it will slowly kill me. I think that over the last decade I have let myself slip off into complacency, which I have nobody to blame but myself, but I can attribute to no longer being in a band and no longer writing as I used to. My website never got off the ground as I had hoped, partly because I didn't have the time to dedicate to it as it would have required, and partly because the pressure of trying to make it into something decent was stymieing any creative energy that I may have been able to expend on it. So after the music shut off, and the website became a bust, I shut down. It had been a process that was taking place gradually, but that was the final straw more or less. Since then, I've struggled to force myself to write a little blog post here each month. Yesterday, in the middle of a hurried workday, I had one of those little moments of awakening. I heard a song. It got stuck in my head. I listened to it a half a dozen times, and again this morning coming to work. So now I am feeling like I need to start writing again. A lot. I should not let my thoughts go. They should go here, on a blog that is free. So I have no pressure to pay for it, or try and generate revenue off of it. It's just for me. My outlet. That feels right. Maybe along the way, I can finally let go of this job that has been killing me as well. I don't know how exactly to pull it off, but I must find a way to provide for my family that doesn't consume me. I am more than my job. I am more than the amount of money I bring home each week. After all, in the end, the job won't matter at all. It will only be the things that I have written that will live on in the memories of those that knew me. No one will care what my income was when I'm gone. I need to remember that now, while I'm alive.

Hold on to the Memories

5/31/2013. My oldest son graduated high school.

It was a milestone moment. So many memories of my own childhood, and subsequent graduation flooding back. All the anxiety of being a new father. Reflections of this displayed on the face of my son's friend,  now facing the same challenge. Feelings of anticipation of the new found freedom from parents and teachers. Hopes and dreams of what is to come. Bittersweet parting of friends and rivals. A sense of accomplishment as the years of studious labor comes to fruition. Gratitude to his mother for having weathered the storms of his upbringing. All the wonderment of the future and the awareness of my own aging. The gray hairs of family members and the youthful vigor of the students in attendance. It is beautiful. Life, the progression.

The crowning moment for me was watching my son perform with a classmate the Cory Tynan cover "Hold on to the Memories" on stage in front of the assembly. It was flawless. It made me proud of him. As if I needed another reason. He's become a fine young man. He has his life ahead of him. He learned from my mistakes and didn't make the same. I hope that wisdom follows him all his days. I know he has the ability to prosper at anything he chooses to do. He seems to be on a path to follow a music career, and I couldn't be more thrilled. I love music, and I hope his talents carry him to all the far corners of the world. To all the places I would have liked to have traveled. Godspeed son. Go forth and be the man that you are.

Any donations will be appreciated and sent to Devon as a graduation gift.