Yeah so it's been awhile since I've been on here. I should have never quit blogging but I guess I kind of got tired of the world for a season and needed to just tap out. Plus the idea of sharing all my thoughts all the time was becoming a little concerning with all the amount of intrusion, data collection, government snooping, etc. But then again, I don't have anything shady to hide so from the "powers that be" so what does it matter? I'm just a nobody as far as most of the world is concerned. I'm just another Gen X kid that never quite fully grew into an adult and now am muddling through life, trying to raise my own kids, feeling like I failed miserably most of the time, and doing the best that I can.
Ok, so where are we? Well, my last post was a little on the negative side. Ok, so maybe I was a little upset. Depressed. Working through some things. That's what it was. It was a combination of things. I was burned out with work. Finances weren't where I wanted them to be due to work. My relationship with my wife wasn't in a good spot. Everything kind of came to a head. The bright side is, here I am. I've survived and we've worked through our issues, well, most of them anyway. Our relationship is a lot better and though I'm still burned out on work, and finances could be better, I'm not ready to eat a self-inflicted dose of lead.
I've also started a healing process. I didn't quite realize that's what I was doing, but in hindsight I can see the progression. For starters, I have finally been able to see the damage that hereditary alcoholism has had on my family. My dad was an alcoholic. There. I said it. He's finally sober. Which was part of the healing process I had to go through. Maybe at some point I'll go into details about that, but the fact that I'm even able to say it and see it now is a big deal. It was the elephant in the room when I was a kid. We all knew Dad had a drinking problem, but we dared not ever mention the "A" word or we knew he'd fly into a rage.
So yeah. No excuses for my own bad behavior, but I can finally see how the toxicity had become a part of my life, and I was never aware of it, until I finally saw the damage I was doing to my family and myself.
So the real MVP in all this? Jesus. I have made a real effort to finally give it all up and let Him take control. Have I still got a long way to go? You betcha. But I'm leaps and bounds ahead of where I was 4 years ago when I last posted here. And so here I am. Here we are. If you're reading this, then stay tuned. I will be back blogging more often again and talking about some of these issues. Faith, healing, mental health. And as always, I'll throw in my 2 cents about the ongoing political issues of the day. If anyone is even interested. If not, I don't care. This is for my own therapy more than anything.
Flying and feeling the ceiling
And barely dealing
And the faintest, the faintest of praises
Are too revealing
Such a waste of a beautiful day
Someone should say it
Such a waste of the only impossible, logical way in
A fly-in at LA was open
I wasn't hoping for a win
I was hoping for freedom
You couldn't beat 'em
So you crumbled, you doubled your dosage
You wanna go, said the inhibitor blocking the passage
That thing is massive
And the sky will come for you once
Just sit tight until it's done
The sky will come for you once
Just sit tight until it's done
Got so hooked on a feeling
I started dealing
In a stage of grief so demanding
I got a stand-in
Every radio buzzing, it wasn't the dream of the moment
Wasn't the current that carried me, keeping me going
Only want to get to work
But every morning I'm too sick to drive
Suffering whiteout conditions
Forget the mission, just get out alive
Only want to glean the purpose
Only to scratch the surface, raise the plow
Suffering whiteout conditions
Forget your mission, just get out somehow
Everyone suddenly busy
Suddenly dizzy
You're so easy, it's pushing you over
They're taking tours
Of a treacherous trip of the badlands
You have your demands
Maybe you're right, but nothing is just a bad hand
Only want to get to work
But every morning I'm too sick to drive
Suffering whiteout conditions
Forget the mission, just get out alive
Only want to glean the purpose
Only to scratch the surface, raise the plow
Suffering whiteout conditions
Forget your mission, just get out somehow
Finally flying the ceiling
I see myself
And the revival, it suddenly hits me
It's going viral
Such a waste of a beautiful day
Someone should say it
Such a waste of the only impossible, logical way in
Got so hooked on a feeling
I started dealing
But the days spent kicking the cages
Are too revealing
So committed to your misfortune
But still a cheater
Such a waste of a beautiful day
Wish you could be here
